Author: jwyl
Fanfic URL : http://www.winglin..net/fanfic/_jwyl
Status : Completed
Reviewer: Khlaren @ Mystery-cious
Title:5 /5
A perfect score because your title suits the plot and it’s very interesting. A person who would come across the title would really be curious. Plus, the title was still connected to the plot until the end.
Poster/Background: 6.5/10
I like your poster; it has a welcoming feel—probably because of the people in it who were smiling cutely. But, I don’t really understand why there’s a girl standing sideward who looked sad. As I read the story, I realized that if someone is supposed to be sad, it should be Wonbin since he caused Eunji’s coma. I initially gave you an 8 but I took a few points off because you don’t have a proper background. The poster is really good as it is but it would be better if you have a background.
Forewords: 7/10
The foreword is good. It tells a lot about the plot but your arrangement of words/sentences is a bit confusing.
This made me think, I didn’t understand it properly when I first read it.
It gets even worse when she accidently break’s the school’s most handsome and most popular guy, Oh Wonbin’s guitar at a music store.
At first, I thought: How could you break a guy? It’s very unlikely to happen unless if you meant that Eunji broke his heart—which didn’t happen. Plus you used the words ‘break’s’ and accidently; I know what you meant there, but the words you used are just wrong.
When I read on, I still didn’t get it. If you did it like this, it would be easier to understand.
It gets even worse when she accidentally broke the precious guitar of Oh Wonbin, one of the school’s most handsome and most popular guy.
Plot: 11/15
I have to say that even if the plot is not original, you made things really interesting. It’s sad and funny at the same time. You made it sad when you had to, and you made it funny at the right moment. Eunji’s coma was unexpected and I think it’s great that they had a few sad moments in the story. What I didn’t like though is that Wonbin didn’t notice that Eunji was injured when he rescued Yeonhye. When Miyoko said that Eunji had several bruises and cuts all over her body, Wonbin would have seen that even if he was so worried about Yeonhye. He talked to her, remember? The last few chapters are very exciting, especially when Wonbin and Eunji argued because of Joseph.
Creativity/Originality: 8/10
The plot isn’t very original—a new girl being close to the popular guys and then falls in love with one of them. But I have to say that it’s very creative considering Eunji’s comatose, I just can’t get over it (lol)
Flow: 7/10
Talking about the flow of the whole story, it’s pretty good. A few points off because some parts seemed to be a bit rushed. Why? Because after F.T. Island won the competition, you let nine months pass without writing anything about it at all. Well you did, but just about the guys training very hard. Nine months is a long time, it’s ¾ of a year. Surely, something major must’ve happened there, right? And also, you started the chapter in Korea. You should’ve added a few parts about her before leaving. I mean, in the last few chapters, when Eunji went back to Canada, Joseph just appeared all of a sudden (and also her other friends).
Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 6/10
There’s not much of a problem when it comes to your grammar, just check your tenses. I noticed that you didn’t spell a lot of words correctly. You also missed some words.
Like in chapter 2, in Wonbin’s POV:
Stupid girl. Making me drop my precious yesterday.
I know you meant:
Stupid girl. Making me drop my precious guitar yesterday.
I recommend you to ask other people to proof-read your work before updating. If no one wants to proof-read your work, you can to it yourself. I know it’s sometimes really exhausting to read your own work over and over again but it would really help you to improve your chapters.
Characterisation: 8.5/10
You described Eunjin, Wonbin, Miyoko, Minhwa, Jonghoon and Minhee properly. But I seriously didn’t know much about Hongki. I know he’s just a minor character but you still have to describe him. And also, he didn’t do much in the story. Maybe that’s why I didn’t know his character very well.
Writing Style: 9/10
A 9 because as I’ve said, you made people feel sad when you had to, and you made people laugh at the right moment. And I think that’s a good thing. A point off because you split sentences even if it can go together.
Example:
The rest of the week went by like nothing. I tried my best to focus on anything except Eunji. As long as she was in my face, I had to restrain myself from making fun of her.
It didn’t felt like hatred anymore when I make fun of her. It feels more like my hobby.
It could be just like this:
The rest of the week went by like nothing. I tried my best to focus on anything except Eunji. As long as she was in my face, I had to restrain myself from making fun of her. It didn’t feel like hatred anymore when I make fun of her. It feels more like my hobby.
It was like you pressed enter after 2-3 sentences and to be honest, seeing a fanfic like that is sometimes very disturbing. I don’t if it’s just me. 
D
Overall Enjoyment: 5/5
I enjoyed reading your story a lot! Really. I know it doesn’t seem like it because of this whole review. But if I wasn’t doing a review for your story, I would have just ignored all those mistakes for they are only minor. You made me stay up all night because of this story. That’s a plus! (:
Bonus: 4/5
For doing such a great job and for replying to readers’ comments.
Total: 77/100
