Author: SueWey
Fan Fiction URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/suewey3
Status: One-Shot (Completed)
Reviewer: Khlaren @ Mystery-Cious
Title: 2.5/5
The title is good but I really think that the word ‘again’ is inappropriate because she was born blind, which means that when she opened her eyes after the eye transplant, it was her first time seeing the world ever. Again means ‘for the second time’… and that was her first, right?
Poster/Background: 7/10
I think that the poster is perfect. It looks good and it’s very different from the other posters I see everyday. I didn’t give you a perfect score because you didn’t have a background. I understand why but I just think that Ri In’s blind and her life’s dark enough already, why do you have to make her little world seem darker? I’m not saying that you should make a rainbow-colored background though.
Forewords: 8/10
You have two forewords, right? To be honest, I liked the first one better for it was short yet really precise. But what’s good about the second one is that, you showed readers how hard life was for Ri In when she was still blind. It would have been better for me if you gave more details about Junsu.
Plot: 12/15
I have to say that your plot is really good. The story is cliché but you still did a great job in writing a few twists. The plot is very common so it was predictable and unsurprising. But the good thing is I didn’t expect that you were going to end it that way. I thought it was going to have a ‘happily ever after’ ending like other fan fictions.
Creativity/Originality: 7/10
Though I really liked your story, I believe it’s very unoriginal. I have even watched a music video with the same plot—a guy giving his eyes to the girl he loves. I don’t know the title though, because it was like 3-4 years since I last saw the MV. As for your creativity, I think it really showed. You made a cliché/common story seem so interesting.
Flow: 7/10
The flow is fine, also. I think the first and the last parts were a bit fast though. I understand that it’s a one-shot but it doesn’t excuse you from explaining things more. Other than that, it’s good.
Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 7.5/10
I didn’t notice any misspelled words, good job! Your vocabulary is good too but I noticed a few errors in tenses.
Examples:
1. The little girl didn’t noticed and skipped away.
2. But the donor did not gave a reply, instead the doctor did, “Let’s begin now, shall we?”
3. This person did not cared if she was blind;
Here’s what’s wrong; when you use the word ‘did’, the next verb must be in present tense. Like this:
1. The girl did not NOTICE and skipped away.
2. But the donor did not GIVE a reply
3. This person did not CARE if she was blind;
I also noticed that you did it right on some parts so I suppose that those mistakes were just made because you weren’t paying attention properly when you were proof-reading. Or, I don’t know. A lot of people have problems when it comes to tenses (especially me ._.) so the only thing you can do to avoid doing the same mistake is to proof-read, and proof-read, and proof-read.
Characterization: 7/10
I know a lot about Ri In but not much about Junsu. All I know about him is that he loved Ri In so much that he was able to give his eyes up just for her. However, I loved how you changed Ri In’s character in the end. Who knew that she’d act like that just after getting something she missed all her life?
Writing Style: 9/10
The whole story is practically all about Ri In’s life but you didn’t write it in her own point-of-view. I find it really good because I always see people write in the protagonist’s point-of-view and it’s good to read something new. (I write like that, that’s why I’m saying. lol.) And also, you made people feel the grievance Ri In felt during the length of the story without her character saying it. I also noticed that you used a very cliché statement—raining cats and dogs. I couldn’t help but laugh a bit when I read it, I’m sorry.
Overall Enjoyment: 4/5
I enjoyed reading your story more than I thought I would because sadly, I don’t really know who Ri In and Junsu are, their names ring a bell but I don’t really know them.
Bonus: 5/5
Five points for not just giving people a good time but also for having a good intention.
Total: 76/100
Note: If I ever sounded mean or anything, I’m sorry 
