Author: Sushi
URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/sushichowahae
Status: On going
Reviewer: Sweet_YunJae @ mysterycious
Title: 4/5
The title isn’t really attracted to me. But what really surprise me is that “when it rains” is like a sad title. But for you it’s we dance. So I’m really surprise. Good job on the. But like I say, it’s really common.
Poster/Background: 8/10
You don’t have a background, though. Your poster is fine but there’s something missing on it and it doesn’t attracts me up to this point. A background would make it better.
Forewords: 7/10
I think it would be better if you had made your foreword longer and more precise. It will show your reader like a short summary of your story. A foreword is there to attract and “hook” a reader into reading your story. If you just include that then not a lot people would want to read it because they don’t have an idea of what’s it’s about.
Plot: 14/15
Your plot is good. You included a lot of details and it made your story very interesting. I could easily picture the scenes in my head. So you did a good job with the plot. But what I didn’t like is that it was too original.
Creativity/Originality: 9/10
The creativity was original but I got to say, you did a good job. You seem to twist it around and made it less boring and more creative.
Flow: 9/10
The beginning was a little rush, don’t you think? But as you got further away, it became even and it flows more in it’s place.
Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 9/10
There were some spelling and grammar mistakes. Also, you didn’t capitalize some of the sentences.
For example: “be careful SooJin,” her grandma cried handing her some packed kimbap. “And you!” she turned to HyunShik, “Guard her with your life!”
Also, some of the sentences were run-on. Make sure to divide it or your story would be boring.
Characterization: 9/10
This is what you lacks in. I couldn’t picture their personalities. I can picture the scenes but I still have a faint image of what they really act and look like.
Writing Style: 9/10
Your writing style is perfect. You used quotations correctly but when someone is thinking, try using this; ‘ thoughts ‘. That would make it better to understand. You even used point of view so that’s excellent.
Overall Enjoyment: 5/5
I really enjoyed reading this. I really like your writing style and it made me picture the scenes. But try adding character into the character to make it seems more real.
Bonus: 5/5
Sorr I took so long for this review. I had to get ready to open my site and hire staffs so I’m really sorry. Good luck with your story! And I’m sorry if I’m a little harsh.
Total: 88/100
