Author: Joesline
Fan Fiction URL: http://www.winglin.net/fanfic/joesline05
Status: Completed
Reviewer: Khlaren @ Mystery-Cious
Title: 5/5
‘I love you’ is said to be really cliché. But then, who uses it?
I like your title because even though it’s a very common thing to say (especially in fan fictions), it‘s rarely, if not never used as titles. So thumbs up for using it!
Poster/Background: 4/10
You don’t have a poster (I mean a poster that could have looked better). I understand that it’s hard to request for a poster because your characters are fictional. But still, it isn’t impossible.
However, I like your poster still because it represents the story a lot—because of the book. When you’re reading it, it’s like reading a diary.
Forewords: 3/10
You don’t have forewords. You have a 15-chapter story; it can’t be possible that you don’t want to spill too much information, right?
Plot: 10/15
Honestly, I did not understand the plot immediately. Because your first chapter was like how the girl was heartbroken because she loved a friend secretly and then it jumped to liking another guy and then to having a vacation with her family—it was confusing.
In my opinion, the ‘real’ story just started when the guy admitted to Joesline that he was married, and that was like in chapter 8 already.
Creativity/ Originality: 9/10
Two thumbs up for using fictional characters!
Your story is very original too because not much writers make their male lead married to another woman (They would normally write something about different fiancés or arranged marriages though). So really, you did a good job.
Flow: 6.5/10
As I’ve said, I felt like the ‘real’ story started when the guy admitted that he was married. So obviously, I think that the other chapters were too slow, draggy, even. Reading chapters 1-7, I wanted to quit reviewing the story (but of course, I didn’t). I just wanted to kick the girl because she was being stupid. I know it’s hard to be away from someone you like but hell, she was overreacting. It was just for ten days! I shook my head endless of times while reading those chapters.
Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 7/10
Vocabulary-wise, you’re really good. You used fancy words that surprised me but a lot of your sentences were packed with too many fancy words that they almost didn’t make sense. Well, some really did not make sense to me.
Your grammar is not very bad too. You made mistakes here and there, nothing to worry about.
Characterization: 7.5/10
All the whining the girl did proved how much she loved the guy. You portrayed your female lead really well. You did well too when it comes to the male lead. But what isn’t clear to me is why the guy’s wife acted like a bitch. I mean, was it just because his parents didn’t like her because she wasn’t a city girl like other girls? It would be better if there was more to the reason.
Forgive me if I did not understand the story well.
Writing Style: 7/10
Your writing is very different. You didn’t include many conversations. Honestly, I didn’t enjoy it but I think it’s a way to express the protagonist’s feelings more.
Overall Enjoyment: 2/5
I enjoyed the last few chapters but the first ones, I did not.
Bonus: 2.5/5
For making a difference.
Total: 61.5/100
Note: I’m not sure if I wrote the right chapters. And I’m sorry if I hurt you with my words. I’m not that good either; it’s just that people tend to find mistakes in other people and not notice their own.
