Title: 5/5
Your title suits your story!! I must say, it was kinda obvious. Your title was out of the blue too!!

Poster/Background: 6/10
No offense here!! I personally thought your poster was kinda plain. Since it’s a reomance story about a celebrity and a ordinary girl, I imagined it to have more sprakle and glitter. The background was also very plain. You should have chosen a brighter colour to suit the mood.

Forewords: 7/10
It was very short. Your prologue sounded interesting though. You could have describe a little of your characters like their mood and all. It’s just an opinion though.

Plot: 12/15
The plot was good!! I kinda liked the part where your family wouldn’t agree you dating with whom. It’s cute!! Love the part the most!!

Creativity/Originality: 6/10
Sorry, but a lot of dramas have kind of the same story line. Though the family diagreeing part was good!! I think you could have done better!! There’s still time, try something more unique!!

Flow: 10/10
I really like your story!! It’s good!! Just try thinking of more cooler ideas!!

Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 8/10
There wasn’t many!! Good Job!! Though, I would suggest you to use bigger words!!

Characterisation: 8/10
You brought Jae Joong’s character out well!! Great Work!! Though you could have described it in more detail!!

Writing Style: 10/10
I like how you write your fanfic all together!! Great Job!!! Can’t wait for the following chapters!!

Overall Enjoyment: 5/5

Bonus: 5/5

Total: 82/100
Yay!!! Love it overall!!

Title: 3/5

The title sounds pretty and it would have caught my attention. But, it doesn’t match your story at all. I was wondering, did you mean to put your title as Mistaken Fate? I might be wrong but I kind of have the feeling that you mixed up faith and fate.

Poster/Background: 4.5/10

You have a poster, that’s great. And it showed the main characters so it’s a plus. However, it didn’t attract my attention. Everyone’s expressions were blank. If I looked at the poster alone to see if the story will be a sad or a happy or a cute one, I wouldn’t know. You should have used different pictures. Also, your poster practically blended right into the background. It wasn’t very good to the eyes.

Forewords: 6/10

About the forewords, it sounded more like a summary than anything else. You gave good information but you already gave out all the main parts of the story. Later in the story, I wouldn’t be surprised when So Eun’s mother marries her off to Joon. The forewords is to set the mood, don’t give away too much of your plot or else the entire story will be boring to read because the readers already know what’s coming up.

Plot: 10/15

Your plot was interesting. I just wish you took your time to build the scenes up instead of rushing it. But, if you did write with detail and explaination the plot would have been a lot better because I wouldn’t be distracted with so many questions in my head.

Creativity/Originality: 6/10

The mother has brain tumor out of no where. So Eun meets a guy who tries to take her away from her boyfriend. She has a sister who tries to sabotage her happiness for her mothers. That’s all been done before. But I do give you points for letting Joon succeed in taking So Eun’s hand in marriage. I also give you points for letting them be in America, an entirely different setting.

Flow: 3/10

Your fanfic was the choppiest fanfic I’ve ever read. You didn’t show that there was a scene change and I had to constantly read it over and over to make sure there was. There was a point that you started it out with the pronoun he and I wasn’t even sure if you were talking in Joon’s point of view or Kim Bum’s. You sped up in many important parts that I hoped to read more of. Such as Joon and So eun’s relationship progress after his proposal. And I was looking forward to her mother’s words to her before she died.. There’s nothing wrong with long fanfics so please don’t try to avoid them. Joon seemed to want So Eun a lot and he didn’t seem to care about her loving Kim Bum before but all of a sudden he cares. There was no transition to that outcome. Hye sun’s death came out of no where and it was a surprise to me (not a good one) because you had no hints that she was that mortified in losing Hyun Joong.

Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 2/10

You had grammar mistakes, vocabulary problems and spelling errors all over your story. These are just a few errors from your first chapter.

Some of your sentences were very awkward and run-ons.

She was almost late for class and was rushing to class, hoping that she would make it in time.

She was rushing to class because she was almost late. She was hoping she will make it on time.

You are missing pronouns in a lot of your sentences. And it made it very difficult for me to edit.

It was her first day at the Fine Arts Academy, and had slept in.

She had slept in even though it was her first day at Fine Arts Academy.

Please choose ONE tense and use it. It’s very hard for the reader to read through the sentences without reading it twice to understand its meaning.

So Eun, confused, and not understanding what he was saying, decided to ignore him.

So Eun who was confused and did not understand what he was saying decided to ignore him.

Please try to stop being repetitive.

So Eun said annoyed, it was the second time someone had asked her this question, and she would have to answer it for the second time.

So Eun said annoyed. She heard this question and answered it for the second time.

You often use the wrong vocabulary for what you’re trying to say.

So Eun and Kim Bum’s room were on either side of the room, So Eun on the right, and Kim Bum on the left, each with two steps leading into the room

So Eun and Kim Bum’s room were on the sides of the apartment. So Eun’s room was on the right and Kim Bum’s on the left. Each room had steps leading into it.

Characterisation: 3/10

You could have introduced the characters a lot better than usual. I don’t know much about Kim Bum’s feelings except for what you said about him being hurt and suspicious. I am confused about So Eun’s feelings because you kept mixing it up because the scenes pass by so quickly. I don’t know what’s going on in her head. Joon’s character is confusing too, at first he is a sweet boy. Then all of a sudden he becomes the creepy stalker controlling man and then he flashes back and forth. You could have used more of your story to focus on their feelings instead of what’s happening in the story.

Writing Style: 4/10

Sorry, but your writing style does not impress me. Your dialogue was all over the place. And then the scene switch was not mentioned. Paragraphs are supposed to be about one main thing. But sometimes I found more than one thing there and I was confused about how the two ideas fit together. Try to isolate the dialogue by itself; it’d make it better on the eyes.

Overall Enjoyment: 2/5

I was too confused to enjoy the story itself. I was too distracted by all of your grammar mistakes as well. Hopefully next time you’ll reread your writing before you post it up..

Bonus: 4/5

These are points for giving writing a try and having a good plot.

Total: 47.5/100

I hope you don’t take my words too harshly. Instead of seeing this review as a disappointment, hopefully you will see it as a guide. I hope to see you use some of the advice I gave to make your writing better. Don’t give up. Keep trying :].

Title: 5/5

It certainly is unique–It describes how everything was so strange, why everything happened, and it was good in portraying the romance part of your fanfic. Nice. (: (But do you mean, ‘It’s Fate That’s Playing With Us’?)

Poster/Background: 7/10

Well, your poster is very beautiful, and the expressions of the people match the story and mood and theme, and the title, so you’ll get a lot of points for that. But you’re lacking a background, so I’ll have to take points off for that.

Forewords: 8/10

It was well written. You showed her mistake of walking out of that house, and you portrayed her emotions wonderfully. I could feel her sadness, her misery, her regret.

Plot: 11/15

Good. I know this plot somewhere, other than others’ stories. But you did a good job adding components and making it interesting and enjoyable. I liked it, and it’s a quite popular plot.

Creativity/Originality: 8/10

Like many others, your story is not the most original in Winglin. I’ve seen plenty of storylines like this, and I even wrote one similar to it. But you added your own events and other things in it, so you’ll get some points for it. Additionally…I know this plot somewhere…So it’s not completely yours?

Flow: 9/10

You did really good in this part. The transitions weren’t too abrupt, and it wasn’t too slow or lagging either in most parts. You also focused on the relationship throughout the story and didn’t get carried away. Good.

Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 8/10

You had a decent level of vocabulary, that’s pretty good. You didn’t have much spelling or grammar mistakes at all in the story, but there were some. They were minor, though, and not that noticeable. One would have to peer closely and be really observant to notice them.

Characterization: 9/10

You did really good in this section. You showed significant things about the characters through their actions and dialogue, and I didn’t really have any questions about that. That’s something that I have to work on. Lol. xD

Writing Style: 10/10

I loved your writing style. It was smooth and readable. It wasn’t too bunched up or scattered, and I could read and understand it without a problem. Good job. It was simple and easy to read, and I liked it, even though it wasn’t that detailed.

Overall Enjoyment: 4/5

I enjoyed it. I really liked the romance. ;D

Bonus: 5/5

Because it’s my favorite genre, and it was just good. (:

Total: 83/100

Title: 4/5

It’s suitable for the story, but I don’t think it’s the best title there is. Yes, it defines the main problem in your fanfic, but it somehow leaks a bit TOO much info. Maybe you could choose a more sophisticated title. Make it ‘deeper,’ ya know? xD

Poster/Background: 8/10

I liked your poster, it was very pretty. But, I don’t really see the connection between the story and the poster. I only see the hurting and forgiving part. Perhaps you should add more clear pictures to support the theme in your story.

Forewords: 8/10

Your forewords were good, better than most I’ve seen, in fact. It’s not too brief, kinda just right, though it seemed too much like a timeline, just listing events that happened in their lives. And you don’t need to introduce so many characters and tell what they’re going to do in the story. That’s not exactly good. But you should add more leading and guiding questions in it, to ‘introduce’ and capture the attention of readers. Questions can be a good eye-catcher, so it’s good to use them.

Plot: 12/15

Good, your romantic/hurt/comfort plot is a popular one…and most people would be interested in it. It was also pretty good and enjoyable, though not that original.

Creativity/Originality: 8/10

This storyline is a lot like many stories that I’ve seen throughout Winglin. Of course, though, no one’s story can actually be the most original, since there are so many. But you’ll get a few points for some tidbits of your own ideas in your story that I haven’t seen before in other stories, like some events that you added in.

Flow: 8/10

Well, I can’t give you a full score for the flow, since, first of all, your story isn’t completed yet, so I don’t know all of it yet. But your story kept a decent flow. It didn’t move too fast, just right. Good transitions from scene to scene, too.

Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 10/10

I don’t know if it was just me being too much of an airhead, but I didn’t see any mistakes in your story! LOL. Yeah, there weren’t any grammar or spelling mistakes, in my point of view, and I thought you had a decent use of good vocabulary. Nice job in this category. It takes a lot of work and time to edit and make sure you didn’t make any mistakes.

Characterization: 9/10

You did pretty well in this story, but somehow, I couldn’t really understand very much about Yoochun…Maybe it’s just me, but I felt that you could elaborate on him more.

Writing Style: 10/10

Good writing style, I have to say. Not many writers have the capability to organize their stories and keep them neat and tidy, lol. But anyway, good job, your writing style made your story really clear and understandable, and I had no problemo with it whatsoever. ;]

Overall Enjoyment: 3/5

I like the genre of your story, but I can’t say I loved it.

Bonus: 5/5

Because it was my favorite genre, and you did well, I believe. ^^

Total: 85/100

Sorry that it took so long for me to finish. =/ Computer problems

Title: 2.5/5

The title was perfect for this story. It summed up the basics in one word. However, it was not interesting. I was not pulled into the story by the title. The title actually made me think the story would have been boring.

Poster/Background: 6/10

Your poster was adequate. Since your characters were fictional, it probably was hard for you to find people for your poster right? The poster was simple and gave the reader a little peek preview to the forewords. However, why is the background black if your poster is white? You should have used one of the colors that were presented in the poster.

Forewords: 2/10

You just had one sentence for the forewords. It was very short and it was very general. It also shows no originality. It didn’t make me have the feeling of wanting to read the one-shot. From what I’ve read in the forewords, it just seemed like a break up story.

Plot: 14.5/15

The plot was good. It was about a guy who was trapped in the relationship that was already in the past. I liked the time travel thing. Like from present to past to further past to present. It gave a wonderful alignment with the lyrics of the song.

Creativity/Originality: 7/10

It was mostly creative. But, there were multiple parts that seemed very cliché, just like you constantly reminded the reader in the story. Some of these parts were: catching the ex in the bar drunk, trying to leave bar but getting caught. There was also the part that she missed his first concert and I guess that was the first test to their relationship? However, the rest of the story was creatively written.

Flow: 9/10

I liked the flow. Since it was a one-shot, I didn’t expect you to explain every little scene thoroughly. You gave just the right amount of description. Like I said before, I like the time travel throughout the story.

Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 7/10

You kept on alternating from past and present tense throughout the whole story. Choose one tense because it gets really annoying and it confuses me to read it. For example, (italicized is the correction)

I lied down at the hammock as I opened it slowly. I smile while I look at the letter.

I lied down on the hammock as I opened it slowly. I smiled while I looked at the letter.

And you also confused the usage of on, an, and in such as the sentence above.

Instead of using — all the time, try using a colon because you used the dashes too much. At some places you can even replace the dashes with commas. Nothing’s wrong with using commas.

I thought I saw something in those eyes that gave me hope—regret and sadness

I thought I saw something in those eyes that gave me hope: regret and sadness.

Try to use other pronouns than Max. You kept on repeating Max, and it got bothersome to read the name after a while.

I moved to hug Max but before I could, I was pushed away. Max looked me in the eyes and said the words I never thought I would hear from those lips.

I moved to hug Max but before I could, I was pushed away. She looked at me in the eyes and said the words I never thought I would hear from those lips

You barely had any spelling mistakes but I caught one.

As long as my hear beats, I will always love you

As long as my heart beats, I will always love you.

Please try to reread your story more than once. There were awkward sentences too. I didn’t really get the meaning of the sentence below. And I wasn’t sure how to fix it. If I fixed it differently I was worried that I would portray an entirely different meaning..

I just try and keep still the moments when we were happily together.

Characterisation: 9.5/10

Your characterization was good. I can really feel Sam’s emotions and see his face clearly in my head.

Writing Style: 9.5/10

Like I said, I really like the way you write. It was descriptive and to the point. You described the right amount so it wouldn’t bore me. I like the lyrics you used for the story.

Overall Enjoyment: 4/5

I liked the story. I saw the pain. The moments attracted my attention.

Bonus: 4/5

For being considerate by putting the symbols for past and present times. This helps the reader from not being confused.

Total: 75/100

I’m sorry if anything I said hurt your feelings or if it was too harsh. I hope you understand that I only wanted to help. I suggest you reread your story because mostly the story is interesting but the problem lies in your grammar. I hope you like this review.

Title: 3/5

Your title is certainly unique, and it defines your fanfic, but it wasn’t the best title. It is too revealing; it gives out too much hinting of what your story’s about. I don’t quite see a connection between it and your story, either.

Poster/Background: 7/10

I’ll give you credit for making the poster yourself, that’s impressive, and it’s pretty, but your text is kind of hard to read in the poster, and the facial expressions of everyone don’t exactly portray the story. Additionally, your background makes the green text hard to read; it was kind of too bright in the whiteness, but it blends in too much with the picture.

Forewords: 8/10

It was pretty descriptive; the scenes and character profiles talked about your story components pretty well, it was enough for me to visualize. But it was kind of confusing with the scenes…I couldn’t really understand what was happening, really.

Plot: 13/15

Hmm…I don’t see many stories like this on Winglin, so you’ll get points for that, and it certainly is unique. But I liked the plot, too. It was funny and cute, just the way I like it. <3

Creativity/Originality: 8/10

There are not many really creative stories out there on Winglin. How can there be? People have limited imagination, just like me, and most storylines are similar, I don't blame you. But your story isn't exactly the most unique there is, and a lot of parts I've seen in other stories. But it was still enjoyable in many ways.

Flow: 7/10

Honestly, your story progressed too fast in most scenes. Like, they suddenly kiss and make out? I don't understand that. Everything happens too abruptly and suddenly, so you should slow down and elaborate on some main points.

Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 6/10

Your spelling needs some improvement, I'll tell you that. I've seen some spelling errors in every chapter, most of which, I'm sure, are just typos. Your grammar also needs some improvement. Make sure your stay the same throughout the entire story (don't suddenly switch to present tense when you started with past tense). And I think your vocabulary is a bit too simple. Grander and bigger vocabulary would contribute to the smoothness of your story.

Characterization: 6/10

To be truthful, you kind of skipped ahead with the characters…You only gave them brief descriptions, like just saying who they were and their preferences, but you didn't exactly tell their traits and characteristics. You should elaborate on them slightly more.

Writing Style: 7/10

It was kind of confusing. The scene transitions were too abrupt, and sometimes I didn't understand what was happening–it was just confusing in many parts. There were characters suddenly introduced, and unusual actions, it was all just a blur.

Overall Enjoyment: 3/5

I don't really enjoy yaoi…It's just my own preference, so it might not matter that much. Just saying.

Bonus: 4/5

You had a nice poster, and it was a new experience for me. ;D

Total: 73/100

Nice job.

Title: 4/5

It was a great title. It fits your story very well. It gives the story a heart ached feeling. However, if I saw the title when I was looking through the fanfics, it wouldn’t have captured my interest.

Poster/Background: 8/10

The poster was amazing. It fits the plot extremely well. I was just hoping that the picture you used for Jaejoong made him look sad like he was in the story and gave him more sorrow. And I was hoping for a maybe lighter background to match your poster?

Forewords: 7.5/10

The forewords was very descriptive. It gave me a sense about the mood of your one-shot. However, I kind of feel like that the forewords gave too much of the story. Most of your plot seemed to be given away so when I read the story, I wasn’t really surprised by what happened. The turn of events didn’t shock me the way I hoped for it to.

Plot: 14/15

It flowed very nicely. It was choppy between scenes but then again it’s because it’s a one shot and it shouldn’t be to long and it should be more to the point than a chapter fanfic should be. So I liked the pace and I was able to keep up with it. :]

Creativity/Originality: 3/10

Sorry, but it was very clique. It started out as the boy who only got his love to support him in what he loves to do. Then he becomes famous and then she suddenly gets into an accident when he’s waiting for her. That’s something seen a lot of times during movies. Also, there’s part when she’s getting married and she comes to give the wedding invitation to him and how he wants to keep her still. But, I like the lyrics part. It gave the story a different path that the other stories don’t have.

Flow: 9.5/10

Like I said before, the flow was great. And I wouldn’t ask for the pace to be any faster or any slower than it is at the moment.

Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 8/10

You spelled a couple of things wrong, but not much so it didn’t distract me from the story. Also, there was a bit of grammar mistakes here and there, but it wasn’t too big to notice. The vocabulary was well used.

Characterisation: 8/10

We got to know Jaejoong very well. But, I was hoping to know more about Hyemyeong. I feel that the only impression I got about her was her pretty stunning smile and her supporting words. I don’t think you emphasized about her feelings about him a lot. I feel if you did, then when the wedding scene came, the readers will have a greater sense about how much she’s giving up and that giving up Jaejoong was hard but she was tired of waiting for him.

Writing Style: 10/10

I love your writing style. It was very descriptive and had a lot of feelings in it. I was pleased with it :]

Overall Enjoyment: 4/5

I enjoyed reading this one-shot. There were some places when it got a little bit boring because you described too much and you repeated some things through the scene a little more than I would have liked.

Bonus: 5/5

I love the lyrics you put into the story. And how the story was molded around those lyrics or even the lyrics molded around the story.

Total: 81/100

I’m sorry if anything I said or any of my scores was a bit harsh. I hope you liked the review.

Title: 4/5
The title is quite good. I think it catches the readers to read your story.

Poster/Background: 9/10
I really like the poster & background. It’s clean and neat. And the color suits with the story itself and the title. Also, I like how the poster and background matches. (:

Forewords: 8/10
You have good forewords. Short, but quite engaging so that it can appeal to the audience to continue reading It’s good to always have a prologue or a brief explanation on what the story revolves around.

Plot: 11/15
I did find the plot rather unique, therefore I gave you an 11. I found the same plot in one of the past stories I’ve read, but you put your own twists, earning you an 11.

Creativity/Originality: 8/10
Well, I gave you eight marks for this because you have put your efforts in this story. And I haven’t read much with this plot. So, you put in a lot of creativity.

Flow: 9/10
The story is very well plan and the speed is very capable to how the plot works, nice job done there. It flows pretty well, the story keeps moving forward. It wasn’t rushing nor dragging.

Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 6/10
There are some grammar problems, but I can still pretty much understand it, so I didn’t take off much. Remember to always check over what you’ve typed, just in case.

Characterisation: 7/10
You did not describe much on characterization. Since you wrote this in third person point of view, you could’ve done more work on the characterization and the characters’ inner thoughts.

Writing Style: 7/10
You don’t use a lot of variety of words, which can be tiring for your readers because they might get sick of reading the same thing over and over again.

Overall Enjoyment: 4/5
The foreword made me expect a bit more than what you have written. But, overall, I enjoyed it very much! (:

Bonus: 3/5

Total: 76/100 Sorry for the late review, by the way. Yeah, school is starting soon and I’m always busy. I hope you enjoyed the review though. (:

Title: 5/5: I just adore your title, it is very unique and grasps the readers eyes.

Poster/Background: 10/10: the poster and the background is simple and blends in with the Equilibrium part of the title. It is neat and the pictures of the characters selected are a very good choice.

Forewords: 9/10: you have introduced the characters well along with the plot, you have also pointed out the beginning of their story from both of the characters point of view. There are also questions embedded in the plot line like “what’s this favor?” cliffhangers are the way to go! that way, you will get more reader supporting your work.

Plot: 14/15: as i have mentioned already, there are many questions filling the readers head while they read about the plot in the beginning of the story. you have done the job by answering all those questions slowly throughout the whole story so far along with more questions. the happenings are very

Creativity/Originality: 7/10: i would say this story is a bit clichéd with the others i have read so far. but the idea of a wedding is a bit different, the best friend falling in love something not really new to me.

Flow: 10/10: the flow of your story really captivated me into reading more. there was nothing i was confused about, everything was explained very well.

Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 9/10: perfect. you have re-read through this and it is very good. except that your tenses needs a little work, sometimes you used past tense when it was supposed to be in the present.

Characterization: 10/10: the characters are very lovable. i am also fan of Cpop! the characters like Danson and Show really made the story more alive and ineresting.

Writing Style: 10/10: you writing style is excellent! paragraphs and senteces are very well organized along with the speech

Overall Enjoyment: 5/5

Bonus: 5/5: Bonus for the great choice of characters!

Total: 94/100

Title: 5/5
It suited your plot and story!! Like totally!! I have to say, I was kinda surprised by your choice of title. It was mysterious!! Your ending really brought up the title.

Poster/Background: 8/10
I like your poster!! The characters on it looked really good!! Though, I’m not too fond of your background. I like your quotes on your poster but you could’ve gotten a picture for your background too. I like the colour for both your poster and background because it suited the mood you were trying to convey really well.

Forewords: 2/10
Sorry, but you didn’t really have a foreword. Your summary was pretty simple but it was interesting. You should have introduced the characters and a better prologue??

Plot: 15/15
I really like your plot!! Its so touching!! I was close to tears during the end. It really is sad!! Sad moments are really hard to convey and for a writer to manage to touch their audience, I’m really speechless.

Creativity/Originality: 10/10
Though, I read fanfics about lovers seperating and all, but none of them actually let the main lead to die. It was so beautiful!! Although, I have no idea what the sickness was caused by or whether it could be cured. But the way you described it, it was pretty serious since she vommited blood and all.

Flow: 9/10
I really like your story. It was very well linked!! Sad, sweet and touching!!

Spelling/Grammar/Vocabulary: 6/10
There were errors of grammar along the way. Eg Jaejoong remember the voice in his head yesterday and it made him feel weird now..its remembered.. Try proof reading your story, its easier to have mistakes and proof reading can help improve it.

Characterisation: 10/10
I think you brought out your characters really well!! The female and male lead characters were really well described. I am so touched!! Her death was so sudden and unexpected!! I feel for Jae Joong!!

Writing Style: 8/10
You wrote your story really well. The problem is your grammar. Sorry, but your grammar and forewords really pulled you down. But your story was really well written.

Overall Enjoyment: 5/5
I love the sad moments!! I was close to tears!! Call me weird but sad stories are so much more realistic than happy ending ones.

Bonus: 5/5
Love it!! Keep up the good work!! BTW try using more flowry words!! Bigger words described more of the content and context!!

Total: 82/100
Yay!! Keep up the amazing work!! I need tissues!! GAMBATEH!! Good Luck!!